"What did I do to deserve this?!"
Just this morning I heard a lady on the train yell this to herself after hanging up her phone (Lord, please keep her in your caring hands). It really made me think that although I have no idea what she's going through, I'm pretty sure I've felt that way recently. Or actually something along the lines of "Why is this happening to me? Why now? Lord, I don't deserve this. Do I?" I'm not sure whether this thinking was the product or the cause of recent anger in my life. Maybe add a teaspoon of tiredness too, but definitely a bucketful of stress has led to it. And in all honestly, Anger is so hard to shake off. It harbors bitterness and impatience. It affects you from the moment you wake up if it isn't already dealt with, and it affects the way you perceive life and how you love others. #Angersucks. And it saddens me that people are stuck with it their entire lives not knowing the true source of peace.

Going back to the whole "I don't deserve this" mindset. After facing my storm (anger-storm), I feel like I've been led to a truth which I'd like to share. Truth is, we don't deserve anything from God. We don't even have the right to ask anything from him. We aren't worth anything close to what God is worth and He doesn't owe us a thing, and I think because I didn't understand/know this, it was why I was so frustrated, upset and angry with a lot of things in my life - which I'm really not used to!

But thankfully I am reminded (from my own lips at each mass) that "Lord I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed." Stop, and really think about that prayer. A priest said to me in confession that instead, "When you pray, simply make your requests known and that by His grace and in His timing, God might grant it to you if it brings you closer to holiness." And by gosh, that is a beautiful thing. To think He would even pay close and personal attention to us! This was yet another message for me to pursue peace in Christ, because nothing else will satisfy God-made-hearts like ours.

So my message back to God from this morning is:
Lord, God of my hope and my life, your pure goodness is too great to comprehend. I don't understand why you do what you do in the lives of your unworthy people. As much as we sin, you still call us your own. Your own children. Lord, you are so good. Thank you for your SURE and UNWAVERING love and faithfulness in my life. Whether I knew it or not before, You were still there. Most loving, most welcoming, forgiving, and humble God... Great is your love for me. It is more than enough to sustain me through busy days, sick days, and what may seem like hopeless days. Thank you Lord. I deserve nothing more, yet I am reminded everytime I look at the cross that you still gave everything of yourself. Grant me understanding of your immense love for others Lord! So that I too may choose love in all circumstances.
In your mighty name I pray, Amen.


Song of the Day: Musiq Soulchild - Teach me
Verse of the Day: "And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice" Ephesians 4:30-31