R.

Note: Originally written 9-11-2022 (late & edited bc I didn't press Publish)

Have you ever had the highest expectation of something and it didn't meet your standard or hopes at all?

That's what happened to me.

Entering my mid-20s (some time ago) it was always #1 on my bucketlist to visit the South Island of New Zealand. People had spoken so highly of it and I've always been drawn to nature - particularly lakes and mountains. 

I guess I could say I've been chasing mountains my whole life. It has been such a blessing (and a bit of a fluke) that I've seen the Swiss Alps of Switzerland, the dangerously beautiful volcanoes of the Philippines and Hawaii, and the ice cold Rockies of Canada. 

In October 2022 with a close crew, a dream came true to fly down to Queenstown for a couple of life-changing days. But not in the way that you would think. I was expecting good vibes and instagrammable-yet-candid moments caught on camera to share on social media. I expected to document the scenery and absorb all the inspiration to go back home feeling propelled to do crazy things. I expected adventure through the best hikes and the most beautiful bridges to walk across with tired but willing mates. 

You know what ended up happening?

All that, and more. I loved it so much there that I actually wanted to stay. What the frick?? I wanted a change in DP not a change in hometown! 

I actually wanted to relocate my whole life even temporarily. For once I didn't think about work, anyone with me or anyone at home. I was so drawn to staying put in NZ and that was not supposed to happen. I started planning in my head where I would live, how I would earn my rent, and how I would break it to my family and friends. 

It was crazy. For once, I wanted something for myself and it wasn't even a comfortable or easy thing. It felt both selfish, but also necessary. Idk if I'm making any sense but I felt a change in me. Stuff you NZ, I actually like you.

It'd be nice to cruise through life with highlights and picture-perfect moments. But maybe... just maybe... we're meant to be challenged, stretched and caught off guard to really think of the life we actually want to live. At least for this chapter/episode of our life, what are we willing to do (or try) to pursue something that could be really good for us?

Smiling at life's surprises for all of us, 

Raiimz 

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DVD Extras (27-07-2023 answers)

Fav song right now - Nights like this by Kehlani 

Last show I watched - The Witcher S3

Last WNBA game I watched - Las Vegas Aces v Chicago Sky 

Something I need to do - Change my phone plan 

Something I am struggling with - Jetlag 

Something that made me laugh recently - Mez's Cho Chang accent/re-enactment

Best thing I ate today - Fresh fruit at work yooo incl. pineapples, rockmelon, watermelon, melon *drools*

Have you ever had one of those moments when you're sitting by yourself thinking, "holy smokes, this is not how I thought my life would pan out..." ?

Welcome to where I am in October 2022. The weather is colder than it should be and I am wondering how I got here. 

Let's backtrack shall we? In bullet points because nobody got time for essays:

- New home 

- Left my dream job 

- No direction 

Wow, that looks sad. But lets expand.

- New home: the apartment my sister and I bought is now officially for our parents to live in (yay!) and they look so happy there. The place actually looks way better and cleaner than when Gin and I lived there.

- Left my dream job: what can I say that isn't too much or too little? iykyk you g2g gtfo. No workplace is worth your mental health or sense of self. 

- No direction: It has been over 2 months since I've had a full-time income. I'm paying for rent and a mortgage. Not sure how but I'm surviving! When people ask me where I'm going, I have no answer. 

Why am I sharing this?

Honestly, I knew I wanted a life of service, and this is not how I thought it would pan out. That actually makes sense though: a life of service is not really yours. But also the more you ARE yourself the more you can give - freely and happily. 

The word to describe this time of my life is AVAILABLE. [Insert single jokes here].

But seriously, I am so available to help where it is needed. I was able to volunteer for the FIBA Women's World Cup and watch the best female basketball players play - so inspiring!! I sold excess crap I had so that I could finally work on my dream to be minimalist (and yes, that was a real photo of my room!). I was able to spontaneously fly to Tasmania with my parents for 4 days. I'm currently back at Young Lions Cafe making coffee again all day Fridays <3. I get to help an aged care facility with their admin, payroll and hangout with the elderly. I also get to call myself a freelance journalist (lol wut) - I get invited to special events to document them and write articles for the Catholic Outlook online. Coffee, computers, chats and cameras = crazy. 

Maybe how we think our lives would pan out is SO limited to what is actually in store for us. So limited to what we are capable of experiencing and giving to the world. The unknown is also an openness to new, to healing, to wholeness. 

May unexpected seasons in life bring us to something exciting and worthwhile even when it's scary, unusual or heartbreaking.  

Sending you love and comfort like your favourite hoodie, 

Raimz

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DVD Extras

Fav song rn: Bring it right back by Khalid 

Fav memory: Dancing with team belgium and team france <3 #fibawwc

Should be banned from my life: Tequila 

Last jersey bought: Ionescu from NY Liberty 

Current read: Atomic Habits 

Something to look forward to: Cam and Jacob's wedding yihee

Most used apps rn: Insta, Gmail, MyFitnessPal

Other things I want to blog about: Minimalism, Women and basketball, Tasmania

These past two weeks I've been catching my tail like crazy. I'm usually on the move, usually doing 3 things at one time. I thought I had the hang of it, so I took on more. So much so, that I'm constantly flustered, ultra forgetful, and obviously not present to people that I really care about. 

It hit me as I was walking along the loud and frantic Showground Road in Rouse Hill filled with trucks and fast cars racing past me. It felt like this road was very much like what was going on in my head - loud, frantic, filled with things big and small racing at 80 km/hr. I was overwhelmed. I was tired. I wanted to escape. I wanted to go to my safe place where I can just sit in silence and think. 

Contemplate. 

Breathe. 

So what do I normally do when this happens? 

I usually drive to a church in Blacktown, Lidcombe or St Mary's (whatever's open) and sit in there. I've cried. I've brought a guitar with me. I've rested. I've felt completely lost outside the walls of these sanctuaries in the world. All in the spirit of mindfulness, honest emotions, surrender and my inner self just… really seeking peace. 

Now as you know, lockdown lyf is ruff. These physical churches are closed. What do I do when I don’t have my safe space?

I have no solutions in this blog haha SORRY 

I just wanted to share this deep sadness of not physically being able to go in my sanctuary. Maybe other people feel this way too. Maybe it's a friend's house that is outside their LGA/5km. Maybe it's a particular beautiful hike in the Blue Mountains. 

What an area in my life to grow in! Patience and hope. 

Figuring this out with you, 

Raimz 

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If Blogs had a Dessert Menu: 

The song that comes to mind after editing this blog: How Do I Breathe by Mario 😂

Last coffee I had: Campos from Second Home Cafe in Rouse Hill

Last thing I ate: Shepherds Pie from The Bakehouse in North Kellyville

Last thing I read: Morning Prayer by St Therese of Lisieux 

Next thing I will watch: Squid Game or Blindspot

Next thing I will cook: Spaghetti Bolognese :) 

Photo by Jean Gerber on Unsplash

My housemates and I really love our airfryer. It’s the go to when we couldn’t be bothered AND when we could be bothered. 

So this one time, everyone in the house was doing their own thing and I decided to airfry wedges. Now you can’t cook wedges, let that amazing scent waft through the whole house and not offer anyone. So I made some for everyone else. 

Once done, I divided the share between the four of us and couldn’t unsee what I saw… *Queue dramatic music* …the ugly wedges. My heart was torn. I was the one who wanted wedges! I should be the one to get the best pieces right? 

Long story short, after a minute or two of internal dialogue, I ended up filling my bowl with the unwanted wedges. 

The more I think about it, I think this is what love is. Eating the ugly pieces, and giving the best for others. In a strange, everyday way, that’s laying down ones life for the sake of their friends. (John 15:13) 

Friendship is not about unreasonably giving them everything, or always wanting them to be happy, but giving what is best for them. Sometimes it’s real talk, sometimes it’s space, sometimes it’s a hug, an encouraging word that affirms them. Sometimes, it’s the crispiest wedges from the airfryer. 

That, unless they don’t like wedges. 

With love, 

Raimz

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Side dishes

A song I really like atm: Wish I didn’t miss you by Angie Stone 

Best coffee in Rouse Hill: Cafe Lelunar (Sacred Ground beans) or The Caffeine Project at the Metro

Last thing I cooked: Cantonese chicken with vegetables

Something I miss: Having some muscle lol, I’ve lost progress and momentum during lockdown 

Something I’m working on: Not being hyper-critical after my own presentations in my new workplace 

Something dangerous: Pokémon cards in Happy Meals 

Image credit